Operation: Winterhold
by John Hitchcock
Summary: A simple attempt to get back at a rival student in the College of Winterhold somehow leads to the town being taken by the mysterious Gabriel Nowak. Warning: this story makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.


It seemed like a fairly average evening at the College of Winterhold, at least aside from the weird orb housed in the hall of the Elements that nobody could explain. The librarian was doing some research but he was still going to take some time. In the meantime, life went on as usual. The students were busy going about their usual routines of studying spells and practicing them, occasionally experimenting with new ones.

That is, at least the ones that weren't absent for long periods of time adventuring. Eaywa was one such student, though discovering that she was apparently Dragonborn gave her a slight advantage over some of her classmates. The whole business of her having to clear dragons out of Skyrim made it difficult to keep up with her studies, but she had so far managed to win over her instructors.

She'd made a friend at the college, too. A young dark elf named Brelyna had become a friendly companion. The young mage had joined Eaywa on several adventures. She was still working on that one spell, the endgoal of which was hard to make sense of, but she was a loyal friend who could hold her own against Skyrim's dangers. That was good considering Brelyna was among the few who knew Eaywa was dragonborn.

She still needed to hear from Delphine about infiltrating the Thalmar embassy, but in the meantime Eaywa still had her everyday difficulties at the College of Winterhold. The staff had plenty of tasks for her, and while recognizing her potential had a tendency to send her on potential suicide missions around Skyrim. At least now she could relax, somewhat.

"You ready?" Brelyna asked.

"Definitely," Eaywa said. "Let's do this."

The two had come up with a prank to play on a rival. A Khajjit student by the name of J'zargo proved really annoying. He was constantly bragging about his apparent genius but nobody ever seemed to see him actually performing spells. He claimed to work hard but he was always making other students test his spells for him because he was supposedly too busy.

Sure, it gave Eaywa and Brelyna a few free spells to try out but his inability to do his own work was annoying. At least this could make a fool of him in front of the other students.

It was getting late, several of the students had turned in for the night, and J'zargo was just entering. He moved toward his room, and Eaywa watched as he lay down on his bed. Seeing as J'zargo was feline, it didn't take long before Eaywa and Brelyna were confident that he was fast asleep.

"Okay. Get the bowl of water," Brelyna said.

Eaywa grabbed the bowl off her desk. It was just a wooden bowl she had found in some ancient ruins and grabbed on an impulse while taking some inexplicably fresh apples, but it would work for their purposes.

It was full of water. Eaywa carried the bowl into J'zargo's room, placing it onto the cabinet next to his bed.

Brelyna moved toward the bowl, carefully placing her hand over it. "I should have this warm enough in a second."

After releasing a small flame from her palm, she lowered her hand. Brelyna grabbed one of J'zargo's paws and carefully placed it into the bowl. Eaywa was visibly struggling to contain her anticipation for results.

A second later, they started to get some. J'zargo's trousers quickly began to stink. His pants turned brown.

Brelyna struggled to hold back a massive giggle.

"He's going to be mad tomorrow," Eaywa said. "We'd better go befo-"

She turned to see something weird had happened in the middle of the residential space. Apparently a portal of some kind had opened up. A man stumbled through it, landing in the middle. He was a tall Caucasian man dressed in what looked like black armor. He was wearing a helmet that didn't look like iron or steel, which displayed a white stripe along the top. His eyes were covered by a window that appeared to be curved around his nose.

"This is… interesting," the man said, looking around. "Where am I? This place is pretty cool. Wait until Bishop comes…"

Eaywa paused as she stared at the man. "Who are you?" She asked, trying to think what could have happened. One moment they were playing a college prank, the next this guy shows up.

She also quickly noticed the odd weapon he was carrying. It definitely wasn't a sword or bow. It looked like a series of tubes, which included a handle with a switch on it. Eaywa didn't want to find out how it worked.

"I guess I'd better introduce myself," the man said with a grin. "I'm Gabriel Nowak, and I'm running this place now."

He paused, looking around.

"Why is everyone using swords. Haven't you seen a gun before?"

"What's… a gun?" Brelyna asked.

"Really? Oh this is going to be easy."

Suddenly the entrance opened, and Eaywa noticed the Orc librarian stepping inside.

"I found the information we-"

Before he could say anything else, the man who identified himself as Nowak turned and aimed the front tube of his weapon towards the librarian. Flicking the switch twice, he quickly shot something at the librarian who fell to the ground.

"You'll pay for that," Eaywa said. She lifted her hand and cast firebolt.

Nowak staggered for a moment. "Interesting," he muttered. He reached for his belt and drew a smaller weapon, firing it at Eaywa's shoulder. The dragonborn quickly grunted as she fell against the wall.

"Nice," Nowak said. "What do you call this place?"

"The College of Winterhold," Brelyna replied.

"Winterhold? I can tell you this doesn't look like Vegas."

"Vegas?"

"Oh shut up." He lifted his weapon and aimed toward Brelyna. "WHERE AM I?"

"Winterhold. It's in Skyrim."

"Skyrim? Never heard of it. Alright, I'm taking Winterhold and you can't stop me. Then I'll control Skyrim."

Great, as if the civil war and the dragons weren't already enough, now this idiot had to show up. At least those factions had something to fight for. This bully seemed to be interested only in power and showing off his skill.

Nowak reached for a small object in his ear. "We're ready. Move in."

He reached for his belt, grabbing a small cylinder and tossing it onto the ground. A cloud of smoke began to emerge from within, obscuring the vision of Brelyna and Eaywa. They could hear noises coming from nearby. It sounded like men shouting orders to each other. The sound of Nowak's odd weapon echoed through the college but when the smoke cleared he was gone.

As if the college didn't already have a problematic reputation among the people of Winterhold, now the town was being invaded by a group of unknown men. Many of them were dressed in very odd-looking armor. Some of them had windows over their eyes and others wore thick masks that kept their faces hidden. All were armed with that peculiar weapon wielded by Nowak.

Eaywa could only watch from the entrance to the college as the flashes from those weapons appeared around the town. Villagers were being dragged and subdued. Nowak was watching it all, casually wandering through the streets as he watched the destruction unfold.

"You must be able to do something," Brelyna said.

"You're right," Eaywa replied. "I'm the dragonborn. I'd better-"

She was cut off by a voice from behind.

"Could someone please tell me what's going on?"

Eaywa turned towards the voice. A woman was standing in front of them. She was dressed in a similar armor to Nowak, only her clothes were blue. Her face was decorated in white-and-black striped war paint. She was armed with a smaller version of that tubed weapon.

Eaywa reached for her steel sword.

"Is that necessary? I'd prefer not to have to fire."

"Who are you?" Brelyna asked. "What are you doing?"

"My name is Bishop. I'm a Rainbow."

"What?"

"Rainbow Six? The international counter-terrorism unit?"

Brelyna shrugged.

The woman who called herself Bishop groaned. "I don't know what happened. One moment I was in a refinery trying to catch Alvarez and the next I find a portal to this place. What is this? Some kind of medieval fair?"

"Midieval?" Eaywa asked. "This is the College of Winterhold."

"Winterhold? Is that somewhere in Alaska?"

"Skyrim. Tamriel?"

"Look, I have reason to believe some very bad people are here."

"You mean Gabriel Nowak?"

"Nowak?" Bishop paused. "Nowak? What's he doing here?"

"He said he wanted to take over Winterhold," Brelyna explained. "He sent a bunch of people to start hurting the villagers."

"What? He was a rainbow like me. That man always was keen to prove himself better than everyone else but this is going too far. We need to take this place back and deal with Nowak. Naturally my team isn't with me. If I had of known Nowak was going to open a portal I wouldn't have gone into that refinery on my own. Okay, who are you two?"

"I'm Eaywa, and this is Brelyna."

"Okay," Bishop said. "You seem to be what I've got right now. Can you shoot?"

"A bow?" Brelyna asked. "Yeah, I can do that."

"I think she means one of those weird weapons she's carrying." Eaywa said.

"A gun? You've never seen a gun before?"

"I'm good with a sword," Eaywa said. "I've also got a few spells and my voice."

"Her voice is pretty powerful," Brelyna said.

"Voice? Look, I don't think Nowak is going to be talked down-"

"No, I mean I actually have a powerful voice."

"Sure," Bishop replied. She was obvious skeptical of Eaywa's claim.

"What? You've never seen magic before?" Brelyna asked.

Eaywa looked Bishop in the eye. She took a deep breath and shouted.

Bishop was thrust backwards, staggering as she tried to make sense of what happened.

"I don't know how you did that… but that will definitely be useful. Okay. Let's go."

The team moved along the long-winded bridge towards Winterhold. They quickly moved into the streets toward Kralder's house. They could hear a few voices from inside. More of those masked men were waiting.

Bishop moved toward the front door, stopping next to it.

"Okay, so normally I'd be giving tactical advice here. I guess I should say shout and clear."

"Okay," Eaywa replied. Bishop reached for the door handle and opened it. Eaywa released a massive unrelenting force shout inside. Bishop ran in, firing on two masked men inside.

"This area's clear," Bishop said. "Let's move out."

"Hey Bishop," Nowak's voice reported on Bishop's radio. "I see you made it here, too. You were always better than me. Now you can see what I've done without you."

"Nowak. Calm down."

"I AM CALM!" Nowak yelled. "YOU JUST LET ME TAKE OVER THIS VILLAGE! IF YOU GO BACK THE WAY YOU CAME YOU WILL NOT BE HARMED!"

"Oi!" A voice said from nearby. Eaywa turned to see a large man approaching. He had a curved hat and a thick beard, and wore a set of green clothes.

"I don't suppose any of you lot could tell me where I am?"

"Winterhold," Eaywa said.

"What… oh, never mind. I'm Captain Price."

Just then, another man walked through the door. He was a tall, thin man wearing a green uniform and a beaked cap. In his hand was a stick, and he displayed a thin, neatly trimmed blonde mustache.

"Oh, good. A Colonel."

"Not just a Colonel," the man replied. "I'm _THE colonel_."

"You look a lot like Graham Chapman," Price said.

"Who?" Brelyna asked.

"BY GOD!" The Colonel yelled angrily. "What in God's name makes you willing to compare me to that atrocious, filthy excuse for a comedy actor?"

Everyone stopped, remaining slightly confused. There was a momentary silence.

"Oh, right!" The colonel finally said. "This fanfiction is getting too silly. I demand it be stopped at once."

"What?" Price asked. "But I didn't even get to do much?"

"This started off as a nice little idea about life in the college of Winterhold and now it's just got silly so I'm ending the fanfiction right here."

"You can't do that," Price said angrily.

No sooner had he spoken than a knight walked into the house, creaking in his plate armor. In his hand was what appeared to be a dead chicken. He immediately walked up to Price, and proceeded to whack him over the head, before turning and walking away.


End file.
